I try to avoid gossiping and when people start talking at work, I tend to keep my head down and get my work done. But in doing so, I isolate myself from the social group thereby getting left out from events outside of work. Unfortunately this may also give people the impression that I’m a snob or unapproachable. This is far from the truth, but I had to learn this lesson the hard way.

Coming up on a year with my current employer, and feeling confident that I was doing my best while knowing areas I needed to improve on, it came as quite a shock with I started getting emails about work load and changing attitude. After about of week of stomach aches, questioning my capabilities as a nurse and wondering where I went so wrong, I met with the provider I work with and my supervisor. It turns out these communications were being shared with not only myself but our team. I felt awful. I felt hurt and betrayed by my team, that days prior felt so cohesive.

My coping method was prayer and talking things over with my family. My family re-instilled the feeling that I was indeed a capable nurse, one who truly does care about her career and her patients. I prayed for patience, understanding and peace of mind (my mind was caught up in a whirlwind of self doubt and fear for the future of my career, not to mention my health with a pancreas transplant looming). One message I received from my supervisor was very hurtful, so I prayed for her, asking God to help her through whatever she may be going through that may cause her to take out her pain or frustration unjustly on me.

When I returned to work after the weekend, I stayed true to myself; I stayed cheerful, worked as hard as I could, and kept track of EVERY. SINGLE. TASK I completed so that I could prove to anyone else, and to myself, that I was indeed working as hard as I said I was. I believe that’s why I took things so personally; because I take pride in my work, I’m not lazy, and I LOVE my job!

The next time I met with supervisor, things were different. It was more upbeat and things were explained to me. I came to understand that my coworker was struggling but rather than talking to me or asking for help, he went to our supervisor. And possibly because they are close, he felt more comfortable reporting to her that I was not carrying my weight and not supporting him. We are a team, and had I been overwhelmed, I would have asked for help, but that may not be his way.

I have learned a few very valuable lessons. I need to be much more aware of how my coworker is doing because he will not ask for help. I learned that I cannot get too comfortable – there will always be preferential treatment when social groups are formed in the workplace. But most importantly, I learned once again, the power of prayer. Although I am saddened things went the way they did, that I had to spend almost two gut wrenching weeks questioning my self and my career, praying helped me through it. My faith guided me to avoid bitterness or retaliation with harsh words, and helped me to stay true to myself.

My family knows who I truly am, God knows who I truly am, and that’s what really matters.