In the last two months, I’ve had a couple instances when I though I may be dying. The uncertainty of my condition – wondering what could be causing my ‘seizures’, weakness, fatigue and confusion – had me prioritizing my responsibilities should today or tomorrow be my last day. I asked God for ‘just a little more time’ to get these last couple things taken care of so that my husband and children were not left in the dark about anything important.

As my symptoms have occasionally eased up these past two weeks and I have found myself having more good days – days when I feel like I can function almost normally, I have come to realize how important it is not to spread myself too thin. I want to feel valuable, needed, like a contributor to our community, but not at the detriment of my own health. My 5’8, broad shouldered self is frailer than it appears, more fragile than I wish it was, and it’s time I accept that. With that acceptance, I know I also need to be honest with people. I need to be able to say no, I’m sorry but I cannot help. I need to realize that being sick does not make me weak, well not emotionally or mentally at least.

The humbling part in all this is that I realize how many truly wonderful, understanding people I have in my life – friends and family who are all too eager to lend a helping hand when they learn I’ve been sick. That is a huge blessing, and I will never forget it.