Loneliness is a strange thing;

How you can feel so lost when you know exactly where you’re headed.

How you can be surrounded by those you love and whom you know love you in return, yet feel empty inside.

How in those quiet moments, you are torn between enjoying the peace, and the desire to have someone to chat mindlessly with.

How you desire the company of others but the idea of calling someone to talk to seems inconceivable.

I long for quiet. I love the peace it brings and the awareness of the simple, soft beautiful things such as the wind blowing and the birds singing. Yet when I do have a moment of quiet, I feel the need to have a podcast going, an audio book or music playing. It is such a rare period where I can quiet my mind to the point where I can turn down the volume on my thoughts where I can notice the sounds outside of myself and immediate surroundings. And these periods are glorious… for a time. Then I long for someone to talk to – someone I can talk about mindless nothingness, or someone I can be totally honest with admitting my puny, semi-uneducated opinions with or my silly dreams and stories. I am surrounded by my wonderful family who offer a generous ear to my ridiculousness.

The problem is 100% me, I have no doubt about that. I need to get past (at least) three hurdles.

1. I need to get over the idea that my husband, mom, children and/or friends will think me a fool, or ridiculous or illogical for my thoughts, dreams and ideas. I am an intelligent woman with something to offer this world – no matter how trivial, or silly.
2. I do not need the approval or attention of these same wonderful people. I can be myself. I am OK and they will love me regardless of my imperfections, but that is not what matters. I need to find confidence within my own soul, not from without.
3. I really need to enjoy silence more often. I need to find a way to enjoy silence, to not feel the need to fill it with noise but to rather acknowledge the sounds around me.

I think I need hobbies.