Inspired Mania rather than mania inspired.

Almost two months ago I got the call that my dad had committed suicide. More on that experience later or maybe you’ll have to read my book for more on what an impact that had on me for the bad (obviously) but more surprisingly, for the good. Seriously – I like to learn from experience but I had no idea how anything positive could be gained from something so tragic… but again – more on that later.

I have mentioned I am mildly bipolar – a diagnosis I have given myself because I am an internet diagnosing junkie, and I don’t feel the need to seek medical attention at the moment. I say ‘mildly’ because my lows to not leave me in a near catatonic state. Although my mind may want to go there, I do not allow it and keep trucking through the fog and fight the urge to crawl back into bed… most days. My highs are fantastic but not dangerous, and unfortunately I am not artistic enough to credit any amazing works due to mania. Ergo: mildly bipolar.

Ah but I digress, and I’m sure it will happen again.

Today I signed up for a charity benefit ‘Out of the Darkness’ in support of suicide awareness and survivors. The high I got after getting the first donation set me to near tears. The second donation had me dancing to music in my kitchen resulting in silly smiles and looks of ‘what the heck is wrong with mom’, one of my favorite looks from my kids. And now as I write this, my chest is abuzz, tingling with this incredible feeling.

I am getting this feeling because these funds may help someone, maybe even just one single soul, struggling, in pain. So this is something good coming from the loss of my Dad. Although I was not able to help him, and it may sound dark; I miss him more than words can express, but he has taught me a lesson. He has given me a gift; a way to relate to someone in pain, suffering a loss or struggling with the desire to end it all.

I love you Dad!